The Official Unofficial Fanfiction Academy
by ThereCanOnlyBe1
Summary: Canon characters of all ages! Please lend me your ear! No not literally. Are you tired of people not doing justice to your name? Tired of unwanted Mary Sues? Well then please apply for a teaching position at the illustrious TOUFA! Accepting applications today! *Spin-off of Miss Cam's Official Fanfiction University of Middle Earth and You've Got Fan Mail by Melda
1. Chapter 1

*This is a parody of pretty much any Canon I could think of at the moment. I own no rights to any of the original stories, but I do own the right of creating this one. There is a song lyric mentioned, which is owned by Mr. Bob Segar. Please enjoy.

So here we are. A little simple home in the very simple country, where it's not to hot or not too cold. Where in this particular home, a young woman with brown hair and stern hazel green eyes is sitting down with her tablet to read. What's she reading you might ask? I believe she's sitting down to read a fanfiction.

Aurora, or as preferred, Rory, was an avid writer herself. Her life suited her just fine, between work and home, she was content. She set her tablet down, after hatching an idea.

Being alone in her small cottage, left her time to do what she wanted, so at this time, she stripped down to her panties and adorned a red and white striped boyfriend blouse, and she filled a cup with some hard whiskey and coke. She clicked on the radio, which played Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger. At the starting tune, she slipped on her socks and flew casually to the entrance of her living room. Rory held a candle stick, getting ready to sing to the song.

Just take those old records off the shelf  
I'll sit and listen to 'em by m'self  
Today's music ain't got the same soul  
I like that old time rock and roll

She danced around her living room, filled with the joy of finally moving away from her parents. Not regretting an instant that she was doing the Risky Business dance.

Don't try to take me to a Disco  
You'll never even get me out on the floor  
In 10 minutes I'll be late for the door  
I like that old time rock and roll

Rory shuffled into the front hall, where a letter had slipped through the crack in the bottom half of her front door. She kept bobbing her hips as she opened it, wondering why she'd get a letter this late in the evening. The green seal had a fancy T on it, and the letter itself was written in emerald green letters.

Dear Miss Aurora Alexander,

We are pleased to inform you, that as of today, you will be attending The Official Unofficial Fanfiction Academy. Apologies must be made, for the tardiness of your letter. At approximately 8 o'clock on Saturday July 31st, a Hellicarrier will have escorted you to our humble Academy. Gather any provisions you need, and we hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

Deputy Headmasters:

Gandalf the White  
and  
Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore

"What sort of tom fuckery is this?" Rory asked herself.

As it so happened, it WAS July 31st, and almost 8 o'clock. Rory just shrugged her shoulders, and set the letter on the desk by the window. I'm actually not quite sure if she knew what to think at that point, because as the clock struck the 8th hour, there was a thunderous sound from outside in Rory's yard. Rushing to the window to see, Rory's mouth dropped. A larger than life aircraft was slowly descending onto the soft country grass, with S.H.I.E.L.D printed on it.

Rory panicked, realizing the letter was real. She ran upstairs, threw some pants on and gathered her things at an inhuman pace.

"Christ, christ, christ, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." Rory said in a panicked tone, running like a madwoman, then stopped dead cold when everything went quiet.

Then the doorbell rang.

Rory went down the stairs, eyeing the door. She placed her hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Groovy pad you got here." A man shuffled in, "Charles Xavier, Professor, Charles Xavier." He shook her hand.

"I thought you were in wheel chair." Rory asked, "Not to be rude."

"Not at all," He waved it off, "Fangirls like me young."

Rory nodded, not sure what to make of it all. Charles went upstairs without question, and came back with all of Rory's packed things.

"Well, just lock the door and follow me." He said with ease.

Rory did as she was told, and went outside. When the letter said hellicarrier, she didn't think it MEANT hellicarrier. Like the Avengers hellicarrier.

"Groovy isn't it?" Charles asked her as they boarded.

"Yeah." Rory squeaked.

"Just head through that door and we'll let this baby fly." Charles said, pointing to her left.

When Rory entered the door, it was full of other girls and women. All chattering away. Her eyes widened at the massive amounts of fangirls.

A voice came over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentleman, this is Captain Stark speaking, if you could all just fasten yourself in one of the seats provided, it's going to be a bumpy ride."

Rory quickly sat in a red leather seat and buckled the belt tightly around her. The girl next to her, a blonde, looked and smiled at her.

"Hi I'm Cassie. Isn't this amazing. I hope we get to see Legolas at the Academy." She said quickly, "I heard he's one of the Professors."

"Great." Rory nodded.

"You're not a Lord of the Rings fan?" Cassie frowned.

"Oh, yes I am." Rory sputtered, "I just, don't fangirl."

Everyone looked at her.

"You don't fangirl?" Someone asked.

"No." Rory shook her head, wondering why that was so hard to comprehend.

"Everyone fangirls." Another girl said.

"I don't." Rory said, raising her brow.

"Well what about Thor? The Mad Hatters? Peter Pevensie? Remus Lupin? Aragorn? Wolverine?" They all started to bombard poor Rory.

Rory felt out of place. The only thing she loved to do was to read and write fan fictions. It never came across to her that she actually needed to crush on a character to do so. It was incomprehensible. So she just remained quiet for the duration of the flight, looking around at all of the strange things. She wanted to wake up any minute now, but every time she pinched herself, it wouldn't happen. The carrier shook as it landed. Rory unbuckled herself and followed the others outside.

They were in the center of a large circle of buildings, massive buildings from every Canon.

To the left, Rory could see what looked to be an Opera house, which was built next to a large red castle, promptly named Iracebeth. There was also a large tower with Wayne on it, and below was a small town with the sign, Storybrook. Rory could see the X-Mansion to her right, which was place between two castles, Hogwarts and Cair Paravel. Behind her, was the great elf cities of Rivendell and Lórien. She could also see Edoras, Gondor and the Shire in the midst of the large circle. It looked like it would take a day to even cross the radius of it.

"Holy shit." Rory muttered.

"Good Day to you all. I'm Oracle, your educational director here at TOUFA. Here at the Academy, we all hope that you will develop proper skills, and incorporate that into your writing. We hope that you will learn how to properly write fan fictions and to also use the skills you have learned here as well." A woman with bright red hair, a headset and lovely eyes rolled up to them in her wheelchair. "If you could please follow me, I will show you to your quarters, where you can freshen up and gather your schedules for the semester."

There was a series of travel pads, like the ones in an airport, that Rory got on to follow Oracle. Then they were divided by age, girls younger than 15 went to Cair Paravel. Those between 15 and 20 went to Hogwarts. And those who were Rory's age were taken to either Rivendell or Lórien. The very few men that were there, were led to Wayne Manor.

Rory found herself in Lórien, where Oracle left them to find their rooms. Rory was given a special key to unlock her room, one with a green tag on it and her last name. It was a private room, glowing with the elf radiance. She slammed her stuff on the soft bed, bewildered by everything.

"All for just writing fanfiction?" She asked herself.

There was a knock on her door. Rory went to it quickly, when she opened it, her eyes widened to find Haldir there.

"Aurora Alexander?" He asked, looking ready to jump away at any moment.

"Yeah that's me." Rory said, flinching at the use of her real name.

"Schedule and list of books." He said quickly handing her a piece of paper, then looked behind him as if he was being chased by something. Then left quickly without another word.

Rory sighed, elves were strange. She then looked at the paper to see where she had to go.

Monday

8:00-9:00 Character Creations and Mary Sues with Professor Emma Swan and Lady Arwen-Cair Paravel Ensemble Room  
9:20-10:20 Theme! Theme! Theme! with Director Erik, Tarrant Hightop, and Professor X-Paris Opera House  
10:40-11:40 What's In A Death? with Professor Sirius Black and Professor Boromir-Gryffindor Tower  
12:00-1:00 Lunch/Free Period  
1:00-2:00 What Makes An Evil Character? with Lord Voldemort, Lord Sauron and Professor Loki-Iracebeth Dungeons  
2:20-3:20 Bonding Characters with Legolas of the Woodland Realm and Gimli son of Gloin-Rivendell Courtyard  
3:40-4:40 The Proper Use of Magical Materials with Professor Hermione Granger-The Charms Classroom  
5:00-6:00 So You Wanna Be A Hero? with Bruce Wayne, Professor Steve Rogers, and King Elessar-Wayne Tower Archives

*Students above the age of 18 may roam around after dark.  
**Harassing of the Staff is not condoned and punishment will be swift

"And that's just on a Monday?" Rory whined. "I didn't even volunteer for this!"

As she stewed about the unfairness of the world, she brushed her teeth and washed up just like Oracle said to do. She thought the shirt she had on was fine, and her dark skinny jeans would be fine enough, so Rory just put her hair in a loose braid. She tucked her schedules and lists in her messenger bag and decided to do some exploring. She slapped her room key in her pocket and locked her door behind her.

She went down the winding stairs and picked up a map of the Academy. Rory flinched when she heard the screaming of fan girls. Legolas rounded the corner and raced past her. Following him was a stampede of girls looking for "Leggy". Rory winced when they ran by her, not even noticing the poor girl at all.

Rory just shook her head, then continued walking. She checked her watch, wanting to be sure she came back before midnight so she could get her 8 hours.

"Well, I've always wanted to see what Wayne Tower looked like." She said to herself.

She was also wondered how the hell she was gonna get across to each of her classes. Rory walked to the edge of the Lórien woods and looked around. There was a group of men standing there, so Rory went over and tapped one of their shoulders.

Boromir turned around, flinching when he realized it was a woman. Eomer, Aragorn, Remus Lupin and Nick Fury all leapt back, waiting for the squeals.

"Calm your tits I'm not gonna molest you." Rory said. "I just wanted to know how to get to Wayne Tower without having to walk."

A wave of relief fell over them, "Oh okay good." They all said, "She'll bother Wayne."

"I was just gonna look at the building. Why would I bother Professor Wayne?" Rory asked.

There were confused glances exchanged by the Canon characters. Rory held her hands, "Fine I'll walk."

She turned around and started to go at a quick pace towards the large building, griping over how it would take FOREVER to get there. And why did they all think she was gonna jump into their pants?

"Ridiculous really." She said to herself.

"You can go by either broom, horse or hippogriff." Someone ran up beside her.

"Yeah thanks." Rory said, not looking at who was speaking to her, leaving them speechless and they stopped behind her, not following her further.

She looked over her map and saw a broom stand. Not feeling like going by horse, she'd always wanted to try flying. So Rory shrugged her shoulders.

"That'll be twelve galleons." Harry Potter said, giving her the broom, though hesitantly.

Did she pack any money? Rory checked her bag, pulling out the gold coins.

"Thanks." She took it, mounted it and flew off. Leaving Mr. Potter utterly stunned.

Flying was the most easiest thing that Rory ever did, the air was smooth and cool against her slightly freckled cheeks. Taking only a matter of minutes before she reached the tower. Rory left her broom by the storage where both Fred and George Weasley were ticketing those who wished to visit Wayne Tower.

Rory went inside, it was air conditioned to the point where she thought even Mr. Freeze would hate it. Other girls were around her, looking for Bruce Wayne to her assumption. Lucius Fox was busy trying to keep them at bay and from storming the elevators, or breaking anything.

Rory was just perfectly content at looking at the sculptures that adorned the front, reading the plaques and observing paintings. When she got bored, she left quickly, not noticing she was being watched the entire time.

She gave Fred and George a generous tip for watching her broom, and flew off to just survey where her classes would be.

"Maybe this won't be so bad after all." She said to herself, suspending up in the air, letting her legs dangle freely.


	2. Chapter 2

Rory was promptly awoken by a most disturbing sound. Running to her window, she could see the source of her insomnia. Quite apparently, Dumbledore and Gandalf had engaged in a game of Wizards Chess, then it also just so happened to be the time of day that Nick Fury liked to take his morning jog.

Well, when two wizards get in a heated debate of "No; Check Mate Doesn't Belong In Chess", well, spells tend to be flown about carelessly at 4 in the morning.

Now, Nick Fury, was indeed furious at the fact that a small Fiendfyre spell had caught his blue jogging shorts on fire. Therefore, waking up everyone at TOUFA.

"I'm tired of you playing mother fucking chess, in my mother fucking way! And doing it on my mother fucking jog, at mother fucking 4!" Fury yelled.

Rory wiped the barely visible sleep from her eyes, and changed into some shorts and her Coca Cola shirt, seeing as how the Fiendfyre would cause all of TOUFA to be at a Southern climate for the rest of the week.

She grabbed her books, 'Writing A Heroine; Not A Slut', 'Theatrical Performances: The Guide To Breaking A Leg', and 'Respect; Not Necrophilia'. Rory shook her head at the ridiculous titles, however funny they may be.

After unhooking her broom from her closet, Rory jogged halfway down the stairs, trying to avoid the pushing and shoving of fangirls who were trying to get to their classes early, and presumably to huff and moan over their Canon victim.

Rory flew to Cair Paravel, then gave Mr. Tumnus a sickle for chaining it to a broom stand. A few girls were standing there with "We Love Tummy Tums" posters, much to the grief of the poor faun. The amount of glitter on the damn things were enough to make even Fairy Godmother throw up in disgust.

Rory tried to tear the image of the glitter away as she went inside the large castle.

"Not too shabby." She said, nodding in approval of the large entryway, full of Narnian tapestries and light colored masonry.

For no apparent reason, Rory skipped to the Ensemble Room to Unwell, which played incessantly in her head since she laid down last night.

She sat down next to some boy with bluish hair.

"Are you an Emma luster as well?" He asked Rory.

"No." Rory said, wondering if she came off as lesbian. Not that there was an issue with the gays.

After being skeeved out successfully for her first day, Rory just tried to sit quiet and wait for the Professors to come in; because damn, there were quite a bit of guys in here. Rory sat for a few hours, wondering why people got here so early. She sat and drew pictures of guitars and swirls in her notebook until the doors finally opened.

Arwen and Emma came out, followed by Ruby and Mary Margaret.

"Morning class." Mary Margaret said cheerfully.

A wave of sighs fell over the predominately guy audience, especially when Ruby rolled her wolfish eyes. Rory shifted uncomfortably in the testosterone filled room, and the intense gaze given by Professor Swan didn't help.

"In this class you'll be learning how to create a proper heroine character, and to avoid a Mary Sue." Arwen said with venom.

The four Professors shuddered violently.

"Because, not every attractive female character needs red hair and voluptuously plump red lips." Ruby muttered.

"But you have both of those." Rory said, raising her hand.

"Well aren't we just 'Miss Intelligent?'" Ruby put in quotes, "Gotta state the obvious on everything."

Rory shrunk back in her seat even further, burning with half rage and half embarrassment. Mary Margaret shook her head.

The Professor went on to droll about the perfect-imperfections of "Those Fucking Sues" for the next half-hour. Of course aided by the argument of what made the worst of them.

"I always find it hilarious when their skin is compared to the moon." Emma laughed.

"Because the moon doesn't have, oh I don't know, CRATERS AND EVERYTHING!" Arwen held her stomach and laughed.

Basically the rest of the class, Rory felt completely stupid for creating (to what she now states as) the worst characters to ever cross her computer screen.

"Tonight. We expect you to create an un-Sue." Arwen stated before the horn rang.

"Make the imperfections equal to the characters strengths." Emma added.

Rory sighed, it was gonna be a long night. the horn rang, signaling the end of class. The girls scrambled out immediately and tried to split up to find High King Peter or King Edmund. poor Caspian was locked up on the Dawn Treader. Reepicheep tried to get him to come teach a sailing class, but after the fan fictions Caspian read, Rory didn't blame him for the nervous breakdown.

Rory found her broom, rolling her eyes when Tumnus flinched away at his ever growing crowd of fangirls. She set off at once for the Opera House, which probably had the least girls there at this point. After chaining up her broom, she tried to get through the doors, but a crowd had massed in front of her.

"I heard Professor X also taught this class." One girls said.

"Who cares? Erik's facial scars are so HOT!" Another argued.

A fight broke out between the Phantom and X lusters. The Mad Hatter fan girls just stood off to the side, exchanging tea recipes. Then there was Rory. The lone girl who just stood there admiring the dumb asses before her.

Pretty soon, both Aurors and orc security had to escort the girls who started the fight to Azkaban for the day. Rory shuddered at the thought of dementors and a trigger happy Bellatrix. She hated to think what the deranged witch would do, seeing as how she was the "Queen of Azkaban"; not being able to leave for fear that Sirius Black would get in a tiff, then it would just be a fucking mess.

Rory followed the rest of the girls inside, through some golden doors and into the Operatic room, with large red chairs and the famous chandelier that Rory had only seen in the movie and play. it took her breath away as she sat down to some Phantom lusters.

"I hope he wears the Red Death mask today." One said.

"He's just too amazing for words. We'll leave it at that."

"We should jump on him when he appears."

"I heard that he'll just try to strangle you with a noose."

"Remember Allison?"

"May she rest in piece...s."

They all bowed their heads in remembrance.

Rory shuddered, then took out her book. Why was a "drama" class required for fanfiction anyway? The only answer to her question was a loud poof from the stage and a red cloud.

The Phantom lusters squealed in delight, much to the annoyance to the orc guards by the door, and Rory, who moved a few seats a-thatta-way.

"So you think that you can just create music?" Came an eerie voice from the stage.

"Down with the bloody Big Head!" Tarrant jumped out of nowhere, wearing a kilt and sporting a teacup. His orange eyes gleamed a crazed murder.

"HIGHTOP! YOU ALWAYS RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME!" The red cloud faded away fast, revealing the Phantom Professor, clad in black and his half mask.

"Keep it groovy, mate, not scary." Professor X said, checking his hair and sauntering out.

The X lusters swooned in the Professors' grooviness. Professor Hightop calmed down and skipped up to the stage.

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat!" He sang off-key, twirling his hat around.

His lusters swooned. One tried to take his hat, but the Cheshire Cat got to it first. Then a large upset involving the poor student getting a teaspoon shoved...you know what? We won't go there.

All that Rory wanted to remember was that the girl was sent to the Hospital Wing quickly.

"Now that that is out of the way." Professor Erik said, fixing his wig and mask. "We will begin to express the importance of Theatrics in your fictions.

"Yes yes theatrics. What these damn fictions need is a proper theme." Charles said.

"Shut up, Charles. I AM THE ANGEL OF MUSIC!" Erik shouted.

"Aye. But the girl still got away." Tarrant said, sipping his tea.

Erik stuttered. "Well I never!"

Rory put her head in her hands, listening for an hour about how Professor Erik was a God among music and that some simple Bat rhyme doesn't deserve the time of day among lusters. Then some silverware got thrown.

It was just a mess.

Rory dreaded what her next class was going to hold. More spoon throwing? Red clouds? She didn't want to know. Especially with the ever growing crowd heading to Gryffindor Tower.


End file.
